Is Reflection the Key to Honesty + Accountability?

This blog is a follow up to Honesty is Great...But What About Accountability.


At the time of writing that^ blog, I had no idea what a detention at my son’s school actually looked like. I assumed it’d be similar to my own (one-time!) experience back in the day- sitting in silence, maybe doing some homework, and not much else.


Turns out I was very wrong.


After his detention, I received an email from the school explaining that part of their process is to send parents a copy of the student’s reflections- a four-page file was attached. I opened it, expecting a generic response or maybe something scripted.


Instead, I was floored.


As I read my son’s handwriting, I genuinely thought a teacher must’ve dictated the answers and he’d copied them down. But when I picked him up, I asked how detention went - and he walked me through the whole thing: how it was structured, what the form was for, and what he wrote.


When I asked if anyone helped him fill it out, he said,


“No. I just answered the questions.”


I was blown away by his self-awareness.

There was no deflection, or blaming others.

Just honest reflection and ownership.


So I told him what was true:


“A lot of adults don’t know how to do that.”


And it got me thinking:


If we want honesty paired with accountability in our workplaces…


Is the real missing link the art of reflection?


I’d love to invite you to read snippets of his detention form here (shared with his permission, of course).


👉 Click to see the form here


Now, like I said, his answers were great (especially for a child).

But he didn’t get those words out of thin air.


It was due to the quality of the questions.


The school did a beautiful job of crafting prompts to encourage insight and accountability- without tipping into shame.


This detention wasn’t about punishment.

It was a learning opportunity.


And that is the art of reflection; knowing how to sift through your actions, understand how you can learn from it and make a better decision next time.


(Side note: did you know that the purpose of memory isn’t to help us relive the past, but to prepare us for the future? That gem came from a brilliant podcast episode by Dr Rangan Chatterjee- worth a listen if you’re curious about how our brains are wired. Listen here👂)


If we want to build workplaces (and leaders!) that go beyond surface-level honesty, maybe we need to take a cue from this detention and start making space for reflection - with beautifully crafted prompts.


Turns out, you can find leadership lessons in all sorts of places.


Even in detention.


Yours in leadership,
Amy


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By Amy Willis June 25, 2025
I regularly get asked if I can run a team through a personality quiz- Myers-Briggs, DISC, you name it. They’re everywhere. HR Companies love them. They’re built into onboarding and even used to justify workplace conflict. Can I tell you a secret that might ruffle some feathers? I detest personality quizzes. Let me tell you why. Meet John- an emerging leader. As part of his development, he’s sent through the stock-standard leadership training. One module includes the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and he discovers he’s an ESTJ. “Ah-ha!” he thinks. “That explains everything.” In the weeks and months that follow, John says things like: “Yeah, I don’t sugarcoat things. I’m an ESTJ.” “I’m not great with empathy- but that’s just my type.” Instead of using the tool to grow, John uses the label as a justifier for his behaviour. A reason to stay the same. And here’s the thing: I’ve worked with a lot of Johns. I’ve even been a John. Early in my own leadership journey I wore my “ESTJ” label like a badge. It explained my decisiveness, my drive… and my empathy gap. My desire for efficiency over connection. It gave me language- but also gave me limits. And here’s what else I noticed: The label didn’t just shape me- it shaped how teams behaved. People began to cluster with others who had the “same” or similar four-letter code, and used it as a reason to avoid or dismiss those who were different. Hang on- why would we want that in a team again? Did you know these tools were created for a different time? Myers-Briggs was first published in 1943 , to help women find workplace roles during WWII. The modern DISC system came out in 1956 , developed by an industrial psychologist. Sure, the theory has been updated over time. But the way we use them often hasn’t. So why are we still clinging to them? Because labels feel safe. They give us language. But I’d argue the limits they place on us often do more harm than the understanding they offer. So what can you do instead? Here’s a thought tool I use in leadership sessions: Next time you catch yourself saying “That’s just who I am”, ask yourself: 🧠 Is this a fixed trait, or a habit I’ve practiced? 🤔 Am I using my personality label as an excuse not to grow? 📈 What’s one thing I could try differently next time? These questions turn from self-justifiers to self-awareness. And if you’re looking for something more human-focused to explore with your team? Try the 5 Love Languages instead. They’re about how we give and receive care- not who we are, but how we connect. (And yes, they work in leadership too.) Because who you are can’t be summed up in a four-letter code. And honestly, why would we want it to be? You’re a leader in motion. And you already have permission to grow. If I’d kept letting that four-letter code steer my choices, I’d still be where I was 15 years ago. Thankfully, I stopped letting it define me, and used it as a framework to grow. I learned to lead with more intention, more curiosity- and a whole lot more empathy. And now? I help others do the same - without a single personality quiz 😉 Yours in leadership, Amy
By Amy Willis June 11, 2025
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By Amy Willis June 11, 2025
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By Amy Willis June 11, 2025
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